No shower curtain nil and null

 My hands go up to touch the water as it comes down from the shower head
tears from a lifetime. That won't clean me.

The water comes out reaches the towels
It soaks them all
And wets the floor
The house will remain damp

My hands go up to adjust the jets
But it won't be adjusted

So I sit in the shower well
and let it all get wet

I cry for a decade
I let go of who I was

There is nil inside
Nil outside

There are only tears
albeit rolling slowly
Not like the jets of the shower
The bathroom is flooded

I have been performing
My value is nil and null

I was sure I was becoming something
I was certain I'd be someone

In the light of the day
I am exhaustion, tears and nothing more than these

Talking a shower in the towel room

 I've never had the pleasure
And know I get to meet my own body filth
How are you?
shower jets pretty weak aye?

Yes it's me the wseat and dirt formed today
I feel pretty good right here
I have stuck and im sticking
I plan to stay

Well i better warn you
I'm going to have to grab the soap
The sponge and several other new friends
Then you'll probably flow off..

Skidding on horseshit

 Don't lie to my face
Who are you kidding
Yourself?

Don't lie or offer something you can't
Don't skid in your horseshit long and far
I do not buy any of it.

Are you allergic to the authentic?
Can you not just tell me who are?
why try to decieve? 

You could have saved yourself time
because it's all so unnecessary
Who gives a flying fuck

Competition, gossip, ovens and the art of pretend

 He was taller and better looking
He was going to take her before I could
I'd just give up before it got too far
Inside a game too big for me

I saw her back turned in her group
where they all shared the same things
I had very little to say and so walked on
The unknown protected me from rain

Yet put these obstacles in front of me
Each hall, each gathering, each oven
New girl say she wanted to be loved for who she was
Can she not see how false the outside world is

All pretend with the same vigor 
pizza ovens and beer taverns
social gatherings
when they pile out what they've eavesdropped

Shaking and stirring the goss
pouring it out
then sipping addicted
I saw him approach her

Her arm went up, palm rested on his forearm
I saw the spark
brilliant
Or all just pretend?

Baby God that meanders

 I was born into 80 summers
I crawled into destiny
I am a baby God
meandering mind you

a serpent swimming out of the debris and ground lakes
Of storms and floods over the land
Seeking the dry to recompose
Playing with the trunks and branches of a forest pushed over

Loose in the wind I get blown back through the hills
You wouldn't recognize me now with grass and dirt
And God like cherub aura shining through the filth
I stand and attempt to fly but it's to early

I got to learn how to bounce first
 

Only when others want it

 Deep within you are warm
The fantasy that keeps you up at night
A photo popping in
A portrait on the wall

Warmth soaks through up in and down
You get caught in the mundane hours
shame at your own pondering
The what ifs flickering like backroom lights

You were on the cusp of standing up for your feelings
Now pack them all back into a cupboard
somewhere you won't ansy up to check
Out on the street the pavement absorbs the warmth

You pretend it's your heart
You pretend you are beyond
Now it's my turn to laugh
Because it's warm in here

But that's not relevant
You've never had depth
And down here there's so much space
Yet it's so full.

But you are beyond that
Trends feed those routine meals
Passing wants and whims fulfilled
Fomo only when others want this thing 

On this side I try to live

 My hands and desires stay over this side
Do not pass the middle line
Do not dare to incurr embarrasment
Silence is full of ambiguity

My lips and tongue ready to speak
Do it in my mind and no voice manifests
I get on with the beautiful pretend
Of a disordered world well in appearance

In essence boring and bland
Enough to vomit across the other side
Onto someone geared to humiliate the authentic
But my feelings stay on this side

So eveyone can live their best version
Of some acceptable imitated social code
A recipe for perfection 
Never coming to fruition