The antenna of love

She misses him.
He doesn't know he's wanted.
She can't just approach him afterall.
She doesn't act like that.

She wants to ask him something.
He has no idea what that might be.
She wants him to know something.
Without having to say it.

Distance is strange.
Sometimes it is thousands of miles.
Sometimes mere meters.
Connection is not governed so.

He sometimes thinks of her.
The thought is not treated as a distraction.
The day replete with interruptions.
dizziness and responsibility.

She is shocked to find herself having feelings.
To experience fondness for someone again.
She feels unsafe inside her body.
She seeks psychological shelter.

The dim and the spark

 Two brothers interact on the balcony.
The smarter one talks of purpose and reason.
The simple one said his cup like his heart like his mind was empty.
The smarter one said that one needs a crafted destiny.

Movement and direction thats what he believed.
His simple brother was satisfied enough to follow along.
He never questioned much, reflected, mused, pontificated.
But never questioned, never initiated.

The smarter brother was crippled.
The simple one a drunk.
The smarter brother dreamed dreams that obliged him to stepinto the unknown.
The simple one would resist everything but eventually be convinced.

Flow with the river that was his brother.
Smile easily conjured onto the face.
The simple brother floated.
The smarter one forged.

Yet the simple one in his caution and locked with the present was understood as the intelligent one.
And the smarter who took risks and made huge mistakes was understood to be the dim one.

Bihar Gaya

 My name is Gopal.
I was born in a shanty town.
Some kilometers from the Gaya junction station. Raised on cheap cuts of meat and root vegetables in soups. I may describe my life as hard. It was, but it was also sometimes joyous.
I used to tip toe near my mother's bed at night, just to hear her quiet snore.
Sitting down on her bedside mat. Thinking about what I might have to trade tomorrow.
How I might have to hussle between the train station stalls.
I'd nod off there on that mat, wake shortly before she did. Then go back to my rustic hay mattress bed.
During most days of the year the sun was aggressive. Rain came for weeks during equinoxes. We were forced to collect that rain water in buckets. We would cover the buckets and rationt he water.
In the shanty town we were known a Yadav family, originally cow herders. Of course now merchants. Cow herders hardly existed anymore. However the clothes shop that my mother ran gave us scarcely what we needed.  
I walked through the stalls in the lat monday morning bustle. The sun tyrranical. The blue sky slightly gray with the tinge of pollution. I noticed the tiny holes that had appeared in my shoes this month, a centimeter or so of fat no longer around the bottom of my abdomen.
I looked at the jewelry people were selling on the street.
Candy and gadgets but nothing I could afford. So I picked up the two essential ingredients wheat and sweet potato.

Everyday I made my way through the streets and sea of tarpoulin stalls. Motivated by the thought of my mother selling her clothes, and being able to sleep next to her bed on those lonely nights just to listen to her subtle snore. Whatever came to me beyond that, and many things did

A recorder, a hose and a train station.

 I reached the station after midday
My clothes shredded from navigating brambles
I had the homeless body odor
Though I walked across the pavement shameless

Into the station's paved open market
With mostly closed stalls
The elderly sat waiting for friends
Waiting for dusk

I was listening to my recorder
It told me where to go and what train to wait for
I put it up on the ledge of a closed store
Walking around and listening to its echo

The station suddenly filled up with families
I suddenly felt the need to get back to my recorder
I could feel it coming to its end
I approached the ledge where I had left it

It wasn't there anymore
A mother and her son were standing where it was
I asked them if they would hand it over
The mother feigned offence

Her son who was playing with a water hose, aimed it at me.
I ran and avoided the airborn flow of water
The mother didn't dissuade her son just followed
I couldn't look back to see if she was wearing a grin
 

Swimming inside this mind

 It's bubbling away today
I can't reduce its boiling
Yes my brain alive with molten rocks
The ones that after cooling have myths notched into them

The myths breathe whispers
Which in turn scream truths
someone knocks on the door
Someone with thick skin

Who can swim in the boiling waters
Survive in the heat of my mind
Not be run through by the blades of my perception
But be sculpted by them

To be taken into the undertow
Deeper and deeper
Where unknown things navigate
There do not drown

let the chaos drag you to peace
Like raging questions
That find calm shores of reason
Will you swim inside this mind

Confidence and delusion

 Confidence
I'll put up a wall
Spray paint my every strength
My every quality

I'll never let you see the other side
And you'll accept me
Love me and need me
Deluded

Confidence
I'll exaggerate every achievement
Show you me at my best
Then hide my real self

I'll never let you see me sick or weak
In panic or in pain
I'd hate to interrupt
your delusion

Confidence
I walk with my head up and back straight
I ignore the fear that crawls like a tarantula
Up my spine toward the soft part of my neck

I'll never let you know just how afraid I am
I just show the world how strong I could be
Cloaking so many strange defects to keep you
deluded

Into each other's world

 Looking at the world
Our special preferences
our lacks
Our excesses
The things we think bragworthy

When you hear me speak
When i hear myself
When I feel the urge to convince
Yet I don't buy the argument I'm pushing
So the gas dies down the fire goes out

we agree to disagree
I cannot convert you
looking into your world
Your special preferences
Abundance
Drought

When I hear you speak to me
When I can hear you
I feel the urge to believe you
Yet I don't have any reason to
Besides your dying smile