The thickness of a sad existence

you are a teacher but you should have been a nurse
The thickness of this invention
you come upon a fantasy well ordered
you had an insight and beckoned

Then you reel me in like im some sort of marlin
your existance is the fishmarket
The knife and the frozen violence
Oh bring yourself to self pity

shoulders like these, just for tears
Just for worry
i feel the desperation
The race to consolidate it all

The thickness of your existence inside locked places
Dark and hostile my precious pretty one
Your parents expectations crushing down
The trapped existance making you a deviant of all things

shoulders like these grow to hold your head
Sadness splashing out of your skull
Appearances and colors dance for these
Then back to sadness sweet sweet void

That burning ambition

 Oh Rubi my ambition
It is a fire ball eating us both up
In flame and tongue and unearthly desire
Oh Rubi I devour

The office is shattered
Employment to administration
To oversee what you are all doing
more human ambition machine

Rubi you are not sure
Then it's washing clothes
And I've been through it with you
Until the water comes out dirty

you renew the obsession
What am I but ambition hovering
What am i an extinguished soul
Just tweaking through the dawn

Rubi you made it all up in your head
If you had to give any sort of account
It would read like a love puppy letter on a serviette
One i'd have to hide to retain your pride

SO as I take the manipulated and pu the city to fire
there will be no more, even colleagues and esttemed friends
Will perish in the fires as the city burns down wave after wave
SO it's farewell you little jewel the ashes will adjust the PH

The smoke will block out the sun

Caps and aeroplanes

 success came in pairs and triples

With motivational hats and aeroplane sweets 

eyes agree and its competition oh my

the eldest is the heir

the rest we will play by air

panels are white and concrete rich

you need a spotlight a skater and high performing niche

I want to give you a carpark of promises

Coastal winds bluster and make marks on the clouds
populations of perfectionists balance the plane's landing
I get a fail and tossed off the rocks into the sea
an alcoholic with no potential

They sit in the sun watching the cricket match these are the children of tomorrrow we care about

success is a super computer for bragging or bringing your false confidence into reality

Twins figure it out and highflyers know how to manipulate the results

it s a friendly place in the success lounge

Golden Dunedin sunset

 Her name was written on the sunset
In golden cloud letters
What a thing to have the sky advertise this woman
and the clouds dance and merge to exalt her

Yellow cast over the Dunedin beach
Their short summer
An orgasm of days
A broken name

A wistful afternoon
fragments of myself rising
becoming part of the overhead
ending in the day itself

Steep streets and powerful memories
make reality so intense
The golden sundown with the letters disappearing
Though I will know your name was once there

Te aro party

 I went in to the old flat in wellington
A few people sleeping on the floor
They were broken toys
No longer functional in a tidy world

Their addictions and traumas loud and painful
The hateful stayed outside of the party
In a sports car repeating slogans
taking their anti grief medication

That ealy morning the girls were traveling back
Back to their homes far away the fantasy was over
Their cars were so packed their faces expressionless
I thought I was dsad and they just reflected it in a wordless conversation

The big bang

 I feel the universe screaming right now
A thousand images the same reflecting back
This is inifinity, this is the appearance of power
I feel the universe screaming

The heat of atomic bombs in my palms
i feel the push and the pull
I feel I belong to the two
Will you condemn me when I show you I am ambidextrous

Will you need to be convinced
Or will you flow with it
letting the small mind pass
So that the big idea can take us over for months

Smother our reality and hopes and fears
leave us aroused for the rest of our lives
Is it comfortable in there all shut
Why don't you let me in

an explosion must take place

leaving sleep

 I coughed and spluttered and reached for my alarm as it sounded
The disorientation of of exiting slumber clouds me
I fumble my phone- where am I? Who am I?
There's a crashing inside of my head

An assembling of my outside reality
It all screamed at me big waves of loud milk
Splashing across my face the alarm still bleeting
Like all the sheep I forgot to count

I forgot that warm alluring dream I slipped out of
Now out of reach, it never happened
Except it did I just cannot retrace it
Cannot bring it back to my surface of awareness

So I press the alarm button and it stops
I wobble on early legs like a daunted toddler
I grab the necessary and make my gentle way
To my office at the end of the corridor

And then I'll let breakfast console me from the lost dream
A hot coffee to throw me like a skipping stone into the body of the day
I will pretend I know this body I find myself in
I will pretend I care about purposes I had invented before yesterday