Gratitude behind the nothing

 God I love you behind the nothing
If you were to take me today I'd sing
I would still be thankful albeit solemn
I'd thank you for every moment

Even the shittest

God I love you and adore you for giving my life wonder
For making me this way through my father and mother
I will love you behind the nothing or in strife
For every year of my fortunate life

Even those shit ones

God I will love you behind the nothingness
I will not search for evidence in the roughness
I will wait at the bus stop after death
For you to pick me up no fuss

Even on one of those shit buses

I'll get on and ride to wherever we go next
Purgatory always vexed, I'll still love you from behind it.
A dark hell of unkindness, I'll still love you through the pain.
Thank you for this life each hourglass grain.

It was not shit. i would live it again.

Master Matheus and the slope to ascendance

 Matheus within the popularity.

His face had hardly aged. His hair and eyes shone. It is with this man I thought I might get answers.
There is nothing as self destructive as a desperate heart I heard myself murmur.
Passing cliques with their strange scents and shared sentiment.
Walking slowly over the polished pavers inside the mall of enlightenment.
I approached him and embraced him. His own disciples ignored me.
They looked upon me as if they had recognized me. I had never seen them in my life.
A certain envy was ready to spring up within me, the sense they knew not just who I was, but my questions for Matheus the popular.
The mall was dazzling with huge deocrated alcoves and recesses.
His disciples continued following along as Matheus tolerated my presence. He knew my feelings about life before I could speak. I was exposed before I opened my mouth. I was vulnerable before I knew I was in a vulnerable position.
We got to the part where he would explain to me how I would traverse myself into God.
We reached the steep incline at the back of the mall open to the skies.
Matheus walked up gracefully and steadily. I could find no traction and slipped.
I felt like that five year old again hauling my brother along.
Being blamed by him and my parents for my shortcomings.
My shoes were worn and so I slipped, my face smacked against the slope as I slid down.
The disciples heaved me up again. I wanted to applaud them. To embrace them.
But I was dead weight for their hands and arms. their faces already showed strain.
There was not a miligram of goodness inside me, despite my attempts.
Attempts, oh how important it is to try.
Teach me to love my failings, so as to make amends for countless examples of them.
So I slid down and simply watched Matheus and his followers ascend into some form of rapture awaiting them above.

Thank God for this short meeting with master Matheus.
Leave me behind, below. In the chambers of gossip and flattery and meaninglessness.
This family has too many children abandon this useless child that I am in the thickest part of the forest.
I will lose my way and perish away from your caring eyes.
What a burden I have become.
 

On the hills of enlightenment

 In the park of high enlightenment
I beheld the families of perfect alignment
Smiles of symmetry
Acoustically harmonious laughter

A Pristine Lake exposing large colorful gliding coy 
Emerald green grass that never required cutting
I meandered toward the lower hills
Hoping to set eyes on the noble families

There they were a top the tall grassy mounds
Catching a breeze and giggling and holding hands
As if the mere state of being alive was ecstacy
The joyous laughter caught and echoed down those hills

I made it half way up to them
My determined grin
My own self image
Balancing on top of one of those tall mounds

The mound cracked at the base and slowly came loose
I ran along it as it fell down narrowly avoiding my death
None of the perfect families who sung and dance noticed me fall
Up there where they stand time is different

They understand love fully
They can take a moment to live fully

Farewells for a piece of my shadow

 My ears long for that patter of rain across the eave.
That I can hear, that will lull me to sleep.
Somewhere in the peace of it's consistency I will rest
Along that flowing slight beat

Somewhere some part of me departs
I tell it goodbye and it leaves in the dark wet night
It treads toward the park I try to keep clean
It finds the carboard remains of local homeless

It follows roads to the stained motorways
Then to the bare fields where rice once grew bountifully
Walking up toward the mountain where this rain seems to migrate from
Slipping between ridges like an imposter

Always an imposter

My ears long to hear it's footsteps on the rocky ground
Up into nowhere, where jokes make no sense
Spirits stirr and unknown things occur
Along that flowing slight beat

I see that part of me turn and vanish
The part I had so much hope for
That would awaken my tastebuds
Such a world is left where savory and sweet don't exist

They have been absorbed by waterlogged grounds
Shallow floods the physical me avoids at all costs
Walking straight on to the pretenders of this little kingdom
Who are you they ask me straight

Always an imposter, I say

Weighing nothing

 Will I be blown away
Lose myself where the smog meets the cloud layer
Closer to the sun but obscured all the same
I was simply levitating
now I'm gone
Good luck

I weigh nothing so I swing up in the wind
Like a parachute spider
no destination
also no pain, no stakes
Just air flow
enjoyable confusion

So I will be blown unknowingly into the sky
the layer that offers freedom to ponder

Diagnosis in the dry tear

 She picks her foot off the shiny surface
Places on the wheel chair pad
Pushing herself forward
Wheels squeak inside the axel

Slide and whine on the hospital floor
Long and harrowing
Bumping into the doctor's leg
He bends down

He gives the bad news
A tear hits the vinyl
At first rounded on landing
Then flattened

By day's end a stain
forgotten unidentifiable
She spins the wheel chair around
Rides back to her cubicle

Some overwhelming spirit
Flickers inside of the light
Attempting morsecode to say
Relief and good fortune are on their way

The jealous aunt pulls the curtain
Flicks off the light
Reminds her sister on the stretcher
You were always a lot

Flame on legs and the moon

 The flame with legs

Crosses the quarter moon

the shallow lake 

reflects it delicately

Eyes back up to stars

Stars inside the water

supernatural mists dissapate

and manifest into the water

The flame with legs

crosses the half moon

a flooded reservoir

A nightly bather disappears