sábado, 8 de março de 2025

Quem não quer sofrer nasce morto

 Olhos palidos pedindo cegueira
Sofrimento é uma sentença
O jogo que durar eternidades
Um caminho longo

Prazer em raro intervalos
Faíscas na exisência
Quem não quer sofrer
vai sofrer em dobro

Labios e ouvidos
Um deslizamento
Um esforço em vão
Emoções desperdiçadas

Aquele dor horrivel
Um pé no vulcão
realidade uma fera
Quem vai querer?

Quem não quer sofrer
Busca justiça a toa
O mundo não ouça
Velha abandonada louça

Forte alivio desde
o desejo passou
Alma medrosa sobrou
A vida é perigo


arriscada 
calamitosa
Suavamente brutal

sexta-feira, 7 de março de 2025

Them woods

  Where is Russel?

Russel was lost in the rockies for several weeks and his body was never found.
That was ninety one. Now it's 2025. People say they see his clothes hung up in trees during the summer months and cabins in the region get midnight visits by something trying to enter.
They were attributed to Russel.
As they were the same hotspots and clues were always found, as if the man was still alive trying to make contact with humanity again.
Alas his body itself was never seen. And people never describe more than a shadow.
or awkwardly shapen tracks through the snow. In 1991 there was a seach party two weeks after his disappearance, this story is about that experience.

Gareth, Aaron and Jane acquiantances of Russel left Toronto morning August 23rd 1991.
"No early snows to speak of, and no news of any avalanches either" Aaron stated pushing optimism.
"Yeah he could easily still be lost out there somewhere" Gareth said.
"That's the hope. He was due back a week ago however and he is not exactly new to the great outdoors."

A few hours of hush as the true seriousness of the situation sunk in. Jane the great injector of harsh truths, Aaron the dresser upper and Gareth usually optimistic by nature.
They arrived at the carpark where Russel's car had been towed from.
A small shelter maybe 30 meters in size with a front door and a few thick windows.
"Park ranger's not coming in today apparently."
"No problem I already have a note here we can leave in the cabin"

There was some light snow on the ground which was not normal for August. But no close to indicating any danger for campers in terms of cold, and it was already showing signs of melting.
Aaron gathered a little in his drink bottle crouching briefly.
"How far up the track was he camped? Or how far did he usually camp up there?" Jane asked Gareth who knew Russel better.
"Years ago we once made it a few kilometers past the lake at the end. It's atleast seventeen kilometers from here".

"Not supposed to go beyond the lake. Atleast thats what the Alonquian tribes say."
"Oh yer because bigfoot gonna eat them right Aaron?"
Aaron just smirked.
Gareth said "The wilderness is really different at night, it can play tricks on your mind"
"Russel must have thought himself immortal coming out here by himself!" Jane said
"Although the real danger are just bears right?" she added
"I don't know those stags get pretty big" Gareth retorted

They approached some bare shrubs with a piece of orange material flying in the wind just a few meters from the track.
"Must be from his hunting vest" Jane observed.
"It could be from anyone" Aaron said quickly.
Jane packed it away in her jacket pocket.

They walked over foothills almost prairie like flat lands foothills and more foothills.
Then like a great gate rising up composed of thick tall douglas fir and blue spruce.
"Finally we get to the forest" Aaron said.
As they breached the fringe something pale sat watching them.
"Look it's a lizard." Gareth said.
Aaron said "But it's so pale, I've never seen anything like it before."
"It's probably albino" Jane downplaying their fascinations.

Kilometers in they set up their camp in small clearing so they could potentially get some moonlight, if one needed to relieve oneself post midnight.
A small fire and some comfortable moss to carpet the underlayer of the tents.
Yet the night was uncomfortable. There was a low moan that almost went from animal and human and back, the best way to describe it is the noise of a hungry stomach and a faint dog growl.
Loud enough to perturb them all. silent enough for them to nod off eventually.

The next day progress was slow, another strip of Russel's hunting vest was found on the side of the track and the forest track despite protecting them from the glaring sun, seemed to fork and give false paths to nowhere, in which case they's have to double back.
Jane optimistic and the boys compeltely sombre. That is until they reached the lake.
Emerging from the forest like cheerful children. Jane thought so.

They fished and talked and felt at ease. The noise inside the forest wasn't heard here, it was in exact contrast to the shady confusion of the forest.
With a campfire and fresh food they slept better than they could at home.
The next day they awoke to a cold morning. A light snow and low fog.
Something had changed the weather.

They made their way passed the lake and into the low mountains. The day grew grey and exhausting. They hiked up the inclines often using their hands to pull themselves over rocks or to balance themselves.
They got to a flat space by dusk and decided to camp once again.
"Fuck it" Gareth cried out.
"What's wrong" Jane inquired.
"It's back"
"what's back?"
"Jane he's talking about the noise." Aaron said
They went through the motions with no real expression scared and disappointed.
The noise came and went sharpening on a forceful breeze that would blow so hard against their tents that the lining would cave inward in a sinister way. 
It was too much for Jane and she went to sleep in Gareth's tent. Aaron was there a few minutes later obviously hearing the new sleeping arrangement, and joining out of fear.

It seemed darker than the forest, the noise stopped around 3.30am. They started to hear foot steps not far off. Gareth opened the tent and they all piled out, they hadn't been sleeping.
They shone their torches in the direction of the noise and there it was. On the edge of their little camp site.
A human man hairless and pale, something that reminded Gareth of the lizard. Leaning forward as they witnessed it grinning at them.
"It's Russel" Jane said as if ignoring it sensing them.
"No it's not"
The creature leaned in further sniffing with a non existant nose and a dog skullish grin.
It took two steps back and vanished into the dark.
"It was a ghost" Gareth said.
Jane insisted "It was russel somehow"
Aaron looked at them both as if a child.
" I can prove it" Gareth said.
Walking over and shining his lantern on the patch of snow the thing was standing on.
"There's nothing there." 
Needless to say noone slept that night.

In the morning after a few attempts at sleep they set off for home.
Pretty shaken and very tired.
They had almost reached the lake that idyllic place that seemed so safe and welcoming.
"I know it was Russel, I saw the line on his arm. That's what made me say it"
"Why didn't you tell us last night then" Gareth inquired aggressivley
"It's true Gareth I saw it too, the shock of whatever hes transformed into stopped me from being able to identify it." Aaron conceded
Gareth looked down "Next bad news you guys got, keep it to yourself"
"Is it bad news?" jane asked
"Yes, that thing is something from legend. It could not survive out there in the cold naked like that."

"But its still August maybe he went mad and emaciated" Aaron said
"Summer hasn't touched this place Aaron."Replied Gareth.
They hung their heads and once again unpacked their things to make camp.
As darkness took over the three dreamed of the images of the creature they had seen out there that night. The way it had peered into them. The grin. A knowing. A certainty and yet a game.

They dreamed of the pale creature observing their tents from the outside. Gareth woke the other two.

" I dreamed there was a racoon playing with that creature not twenty meters from our tent down there by lakeside."
They shone their torches and to their terror there was something moving down by the lake.
A Racoon turning over rocks looking for something. 
The first subtle sign of light was coming into the sky. The three of them clambered to pack up the camp.
They skipped breakfast and kept a quick pace until they got back to the parking lot.
It was  dusk again, this time though they would be able to drive home and spend their night sleeping in beds.

True darkness, the experience had marked them deeply and they spent a few nights sleeping in the same room just to rehabilitate themselves from the shock. The story that would later be told as the shared hallucination. In a world of no certainty. some might believe there was something odd out there in them woods.



 

A punch in the face on tuesday

 He would bait people into fighting with him. A lot of bullies were just like that. Handing over the gloves, his teenage henchman talking the potential victim into participating in the fight.
"You'll do alright bro, You underestimate your strength."
When they got in for the whisper the candidate was trapped and processed like a piece of meat.
whispering "You don't want to look ike a fucking whuss infront of everyone here, otherwise your going to get your ass kicked anyway when people hear you backed out"
Red face and red gloves and ready to get a beating.

I didn't try to dissuade them. I'd like to excuse myself from all blame, but I'll leave the pretending to the professionals.
The demonic piece of me wanted to see them recieve the pounding of their lives, and fall on their back.
Look absolutely ridiculous then have some of the friends convince him he was brave. It wasn't because I hated them intrinsically, some of them were good friends. But the lie they told that I could already see was bogus made me wrythe in anger. The lie that you need to prove yourself the same way to be a man.
A completely overt weakness in conviction.


If i had a cauldron I'd watch the lot boil forever. Pride what a fucking fallacy.
who needs pride in the modern world.
It doesn't reflect on your ability to adapt, to survive or succeed, its just shit fuel for talk and bragging when you've drunken more than you should have. So boil away and shove your mediocre sense of honor where the sun don't shine.

On the day out there, I'm going to say it was tuesday. There was Brad, Stock, big Jenkins, Boston and Aussie and a group of future losers guaranteed.
Boston the devlish popular sports star of the college, feared by quite a few, yet loved by many.
big provocative lips, smirk and Jibe.
Unfortunately placed against Pops or big Jenkins, who was only sixteen years old but already had a few grey hairs poking out, hence the name. more feared than loved. Impressive beast indeed.

But arrogance got the better of Boston as it always did, as it got the better of all of us. Learning to overlook our weaknesses like so many stacks on stacks of generations. Falling into those traps that would cause us literally months of pain and humiliation and for some suicide.

Gloves on and faces remained cordial, then weird fighting eyes faced off and the first blow came from jenkins, knocking boston slightly off balance.
The Boston replied with a flurry of blows landing 2 or 3 out of about 14, it did look impressive, but had no effect on Pops who'd taken beatings from his brothers and father that would put most of us in hospital, yet wouldn't exceed routine for him.
So a well planted foot and uppercut came whizzing up from under Boston's chest "Whack."
Big Jenkins used his mouth to make the sound efffect he literally sounded the " whizzz." And the crack as it lounded asttonished us.
Then he bellowed laughter.

And again Boston was on him landing left and right, excellent aim, but subpar in power. After pops took a few to the face he changed stance.
One right cross sent Boston reeling almost falling off the green grassy mounds we were using so the teachers wouldn't see.
He took the gloves off and said, "I landed more blows so I would have won." But none of us were having it. "Giving up already" Even the weakest of us who were no match the for the wild and renown boston were ridiculing him.
I looked at the sky this must be what hell is like. Why would anyone need heaven?
Pride, glory and honor values that seem neo christian back here in the eighties and nineties. Drove these idiots to tear themselves apart to prove themselves.

Don't let poeple gode you into fighting their way.
If you get hooked into someone elses game you might as well just offer your face for the beating of your life. The games went on for months until the school itself had to take drastic action to put a stop to.
In that time I did witness a sacred few who shined.
Who surprised us all by putting down a bigger and more vicious boy. It certainly made the whole affair more entertaining if that were possible.
What became most obvious and most unbelieveable was the capacity young 15 and 16 year olds had for withholding years of pure anger and rage then releasing it. Incredibly potent tangible expression. that on occasion would scare the living shit out of the many spectators.

Pride was a lie, yet violence came with its' own abstract heavy truth.


Contrasts on the trailing vine

 Small town village about 70 kilometers from our home closer to town.
"Let's get of here now, there'll be a storm and no doubt we'll get stranded." I said.
"You are probably right, clouds looking dark out there." My wife responded.

Ten kilometers down the road a tyre exploded on the highway, "fuuuuck"
swerving to keep the car on the road, then bringing it slowly to a halt.
"Hey look staglands petrol station and mechanics is open, t's only about 600 meters."
Ok lets walk up see if they can tow it in, it'll be too difficult to push"

There were two guys working at the mechanic, Locky and Steve.
"Thanks for helping us guys."
Neither of them responded. My wife looked at me. "Not very friendly are they?"
they brought the car in and started working on repairing the damage to the rims.
Behind the roadside shop was a small boutique village with shops full of kitsch and ornaments.
A small restaurant and cafe. Big fruit trees surrounded, local farmers teenage children mobbed about curious and teasing.

We spent an hour walking around and sampling some of the local food.
The owners were from India and really let the Hindu themes stand out.
Back at the car Steve spoke up "They bring their stupid culture here to this country."
Locky didn't make a peep. 
Both in their early thirties, both had worked there for their entire adult lives.
Locky long dark here and yellowish white skin, Steve extremely thin short curly grey brown hair.


Their boss came in. "Steve stop ranting about the foreigners again"
My wife tapped me on the shoulder "This is racist Steve"
A couple we had run into earlier had commented on the mechanic shop boys.

"So how long is it going to be, do you think?"
"Oh not long, Put a new tyre and you guys can be on your way."
Locky gave my wife a wink. "I stared at him. He just pretended I wasn't there. 
A skill I used to have when I was younger and somehow lost.
We got into the car "It was four hundred and fifty dollars."
"Could have been more expensive"
Thunder clapped and it started raining heavily.

The road almost became invisible and the wind pushed and pulled the car.
Something crashed from behind us. 
A large tree crossing the road directly and cutting off traffic both way. Also taking down powerlines.
"Thank god" she muttered.
"Hey thats a bad thing, now they are all cut off completely."
"Yeah but we actually got out of there before."
"Typical summer disasters, right?"

The rain subsided enough to see the road again the two thick layers of grey sky met on the horizon one on top of the other. The darker higher and expanding.
"What a contrast the weather is, sunny and idyllic one minute, stormy and hurricane like the next."
My wife looked into my eyes. "Just the way you like it, isn't it"
"Living a life without contrasts would be quite boring I guess" I admitted.
 


quinta-feira, 6 de março de 2025

The lord of mercy

 The lord stands twenty meters tall in this city
He recognizes our hearts
destroys the corrupt among us
thundering blows

his smile brings the sky
The internal justice
confusion brutality

life and growth


he treads across the land
the sample valley
your sample existance
pleading fairness, fairness

the land is his
the sky swirls in applause
A thunder clap and birds witness
a criminal falls torn from within

breathless
begging mercy
no following speech
perhaps a mystery

the language of punishment
is graffitied on the inner walls
of the corrupted heart
playing like an Lp

The devil just kicks back
and indulges your play list
as it revolves around and around
carved in to destiny

the artist was you
pretending to be the victim
the witness
Oh this Lord just walks over us


Street change on Barbosa avenue

 After the street market Tacks my business associate and I went up the steep street next to the avenue to see the lawyer.
His door was locked, the late afternoon was a soothing shade under blue, a crisp warmth.
We knocked again before getting out our cigarettes.
"Do you think he's busy or do you think he's out?"
Tack said "He knows it's you, he's avoiding you."
"Oh that's hurtful I said sarcastically"

The lawyer had been avoiding us for weeks, and passing a few other people on the way up the street, we could see we weren't the only ones. The windless calm did lull us into a false sense of security which was never good in Sao Paulo.

Timmy and Acorn the street bums happened upon us. 
Timmy rummaged along the side of the street, through the trash. Looking for loose change or something the punters let fall from their pockets. Same two mendingos after every street market, making a few bob off watching the cars. 

Acorn regarded us directly and spoke politely but in hushed tones so that his companion wouldn't hear him.
"Hi bosses, how you'se goin aye? Listen I don't usually ask, but it's about Ol Timmy here, last night he was evicted from his buildin, him in his missus kicked out on their asses."
"Oh horrid" I put Tacks nodding sympathetically.
Both if us taken in hook line and sinker.
"Yeah so Im getting together some change to put him up in a shelter, you spare a few?"

"I guess so" "Yeah no worries" Tack and I replied.
Handing over a few real. 

I turned to Tacks, almost moved to emotion by the friends gesture.
"Would you do something like that for me if I was in a similar mess?"
"Most probably would"
But look tacks pointed. Acorn had taken off walking hurriedly away, leaving the Timmy to continue his afternoon rummaging.

"I guess sharing a bottle of white rum and a cardboard box hasn't done anything for their relationship!"
We fell about laughing.
Timmy got ears of our jokes and his head went up like a hen in danger.
Positioning his ear to get an idea of what we were saying, the way he moved his neck seemed to quick or tight.

I rose my index to my lips, but Timmy knew we were joking about him. We started walking back down to the bottom of the street looking away from his targetting glances. We got to the pedestrian crossing and had to stop. We didn't see Timmy following us, he popped out of nowhere and without respecting personal distance came in almost hugging us.


The tone of Timmy's voice was full especailly rueful.
"Acorn always does that, he gets money telling a story bout me gettin evicted. Thing is I aint got no lodgins. What I scrounge is just for eats int it?"

"Do you need a buck Timmy?" Tacks asked. "Yeah since ya askin I do now."
We were expecting him to tear up in repentence of a life ill spent, neither of us had wanted for much in our lives. Was it heartfelt charity that made us reach for our wallets or just the desire to have Timmy's strange smelling clothes away from us, the question just intensified the guilt of knowing we were haves, and he was a have not.

"What about your friend then selling you out like that? Why do you still hang out with that lout then?"
"Because next week it'll be his turn to rummage outside the lawyers building, and my time to play the violin."
Timmy grabbed the bronze reals from our hands and sprinted into the traffic, laughing.

"How is it with so many casualties on the roads every day, these guys never get hit?"
Tacks scoffed and giggled briefly.

"Because they know how things work better than we do."

terça-feira, 4 de março de 2025

Heatstroke south of sudan

 That hot afternoon fifty of my tribes men pounded drums.
The rhythm was inciting all of the small local villagers to the large clearing at the foot of the forest.
The sun shining through, dozens of home made juices and drinks.
What an occasion I danced and danced. My tribe dance with me.
I was a part of something I was not alone. yet something tickled my ear as if there would be some tragic event looming.

I bounded into the air full smile, knees bent and hands risen high. A long shark like bullet split through my endorphin ridden brain. Screaming through in less than a second, though having an hour long conversaton with my nerve endings as whizzed through.

It spoke of where it came from a life of order and glory filled with gunpowder and curated for the magazine home and the airport barrel. The bullet blurted out that it had gone through some ups and downs on it's trajectory into my head. That it's purpose was now fulfilled and that it would move on. Leaving my skull.

"Whizz snap" As if the mistake that murder is, made perfect sense.
The lifeless body once me, consecrated some lost desire of the cosmos.
On the fall my last energy leapt toward the glare of the afternoon sun,
the juice from cups splashing on impact of a local toast.

A split second to feel the last ounce of existence leaving. Laughing out of me as if life iself was a silly joke. Like a vacuum cleaner I try to soak them back in, and they wind more of me out.
Until I am definitively gone.
The beauty of having lived steaming out of blood.

By the time the party had turned to screams I had gone.
The cheerfulness and excitement of the afternoon dead as I here now lying.
The bullet had dug itself into the ground. An instant and appropriate grave for such a lively piece of lead. No head stone short of my corpse. The local wildlife would drag that away, in the case I wasn't lucky enough for a burial.