Change back you wondeful cafeteria
open yourself don't shut me off
Don't become the nurse or the server
don't overlift
don't be bloated by life's excess
Don't be chased by any man
Not even me
Just perfect that which is good already
Don't seek it out
Let it come
We human ambush better than we hunt
anyone would be lucky to get caught in your sticky trap
I spent the day walking a thin dirt road
Night came and I knew I would need somewhere to stay.
I saw A side road up ahead and investigated, there were no signs.
But down the side road there were lights, a few houses. Maybe this will do.
I looked down, stepped forward and continued walking. I'll fing somesthing, I'll find somewhere to sleep.
I came to a roundabout with a few empty buildings. A big barn with an open door.
I'll sleep here. I set out the blanket I had lay down and dreamed of all those wonderful things I'm not allowed to have.
Then I woke to an old man looking in. He said to me "So you found the barn" A sunny morning, way too bright for my eyes that morning.
I said to the man "Well I guess I did."
I stepped out and observed the town. att he far end there were no houses just a grass berm with a charming little well, built with attractive rocks with one of those tiny rooves.
I looked back to the small township. It looked like it had been a tourist town with an old tourist bus parked perfectly against a rusted blue bus stop.
A plus size woman in her fifties with brown straggly hair and reddish skin, it looked like she was ushering me over, but she didn't seem to have the energy. Through one caravan window it looked like other women were in there. It was like a brothel on wheels perhaps. There was a fruit stall with a husband and wife selling fruits and a few vegetables. They looked a little more normal. Dark skinned and short stature, but more expressive, evidently happy.
Behind the bus stop was a clean and very welcoming looking tourist shop. It looked out of place. Everything else was dusty, Rusted and unclean. I looked through the window like a child at his first mall experience. There were soft toys and books so well exhibited under such good lighting it made me doubt the place was real at all. Felt real enough.
There was a butcher working out of a raised stall, probably something he built himself, He was grilling meat. The aroma coming out of there was incredible. Naturally I asked for a small bag of it. It was cheap enough and the coins in my pocket easily afforded me it.
I opened the bag and started to eat, as I walked away from the shop the meat started tasting raw.
A frustration, even an anger at being conned into raw meat took me over, I started to walk back to the stall to complain. with every foot fall toward teh old shack the paper bag in my hand warmed up a little more. By the time i was in earshot of the butcher, i could pull a piece of meat out and see it was completely grilled and smelled delicious.
An awkward tall and very slow speaking teenager came out of nowhere and approache me, same reddish tinge as if the sun was just a little too abrasive in the region.
"You need to eat it near the cart, otherwise it goes bad." I laughed at the absurdity of what he said.
But just like something magnetic losing it's pull, when i walked away it got cold, and when I walked back it heated up.
"Thank you for the heads up." I told him. he tried to press out a smile on his face. I knew he was expressing an attempt at joy.
I passed the mechanic's shops. It was empty, Then a small volkswagon beetle came out of nowhere and parked infront of me. Three dwarvish mechanics got out, all dressed in their blue stained overalls, echoing the color and rust of the bus stop. The first one that appeared had discolored skin on his face and signs of a cured goiter below the jaw. But he walked more confidently. The other two followed in behind. They waved and regarded me as naturally as if I'd been there an eternity. But we'd never met.
I had this feeling I needed to leave. Stop my little excursion and get back to the hotel in the other town.
I walked toward the distant pine trees that marked the cross roads.
As I approached it suddenly became dark. I checked my watch it was 5,14am around the time i need to get up when I'm working. Atleast I'm out of that strange town.
I turned up the road I had originally came from trudging on for kilometers. The sun came up and the heat of the day with it. I saw people working th fields on the road side, tending their crops.
I stopped by. "Hi, can you tell me what the name of the town off the cross roads back there is called?"
The wife absconded, but the husband showed more interest, he looked up at me enthusiastically, but also a little worried.
"Do you mean Leslimb? That's not really a town, there right." He said.
"Well of course it's a town I've just been inside it." I told him.
"Were things strange there, Did you notice anything, not quite right, time of day, a strange tourist shop, weird happenings."
"What if I did" I said nervously.
"You were in purgatory, the real one."
"What do you mean?" I said concerned.
"When you walked out did the time change either getting later or earlier?"
He just looked at my face.
"You ate the food didn't you?"
Suddenly his wife was by his side,
"Just let the man go about his business." She said.
An icy feeling started in the bend of my neck and slowly melted into spine.
A tear drop fell from my eye.
It was the same couple who worked the fruit and vegetable stall back in that town.
you are a teacher but you should have been a nurse
The thickness of this invention
you come upon a fantasy well ordered
you had an insight and beckoned
Then you reel me in like im some sort of marlin
your existance is the fishmarket
The knife and the frozen violence
Oh bring yourself to self pity
shoulders like these, just for tears
Just for worry
i feel the desperation
The race to consolidate it all
The thickness of your existence inside locked places
Dark and hostile my precious pretty one
Your parents expectations crushing down
The trapped existance making you a deviant of all things
shoulders like these grow to hold your head
Sadness splashing out of your skull
Appearances and colors dance for these
Then back to sadness sweet sweet void
Oh Rubi my ambition
It is a fire ball eating us both up
In flame and tongue and unearthly desire
Oh Rubi I devour
The office is shattered
Employment to administration
To oversee what you are all doing
more human ambition machine
Rubi you are not sure
Then it's washing clothes
And I've been through it with you
Until the water comes out dirty
you renew the obsession
What am I but ambition hovering
What am i an extinguished soul
Just tweaking through the dawn
Rubi you made it all up in your head
If you had to give any sort of account
It would read like a love puppy letter on a serviette
One i'd have to hide to retain your pride
SO as I take the manipulated and pu the city to fire
there will be no more, even colleagues and esttemed friends
Will perish in the fires as the city burns down wave after wave
SO it's farewell you little jewel the ashes will adjust the PH
The smoke will block out the sun
success came in pairs and triples
With motivational hats and aeroplane sweets
eyes agree and its competition oh my
the eldest is the heir
the rest we will play by air
panels are white and concrete rich
you need a spotlight a skater and high performing niche
I want to give you a carpark of promises
Coastal winds bluster and make marks on the clouds
populations of perfectionists balance the plane's landing
I get a fail and tossed off the rocks into the sea
an alcoholic with no potential
They sit in the sun watching the cricket match these are the children of tomorrrow we care about
success is a super computer for bragging or bringing your false confidence into reality
Twins figure it out and highflyers know how to manipulate the results
it s a friendly place in the success lounge
Her name was written on the sunset
In golden cloud letters
What a thing to have the sky advertise this woman
and the clouds dance and merge to exalt her
Yellow cast over the Dunedin beach
Their short summer
An orgasm of days
A broken name
A wistful afternoon
fragments of myself rising
becoming part of the overhead
ending in the day itself
Steep streets and powerful memories
make reality so intense
The golden sundown with the letters disappearing
Though I will know your name was once there
I went in to the old flat in wellington
A few people sleeping on the floor
They were broken toys
No longer functional in a tidy world
Their addictions and traumas loud and painful
The hateful stayed outside of the party
In a sports car repeating slogans
taking their anti grief medication
That ealy morning the girls were traveling back
Back to their homes far away the fantasy was over
Their cars were so packed their faces expressionless
I thought I was dsad and they just reflected it in a wordless conversation
