I was born into 80 summers
I crawled into destiny
I am a baby God
meandering mind you
a serpent swimming out of the debris and ground lakes
Of storms and floods over the land
Seeking the dry to recompose
Playing with the trunks and branches of a forest pushed over
Loose in the wind I get blown back through the hills
You wouldn't recognize me now with grass and dirt
And God like cherub aura shining through the filth
I stand and attempt to fly but it's to early
I got to learn how to bounce first
Deep within you are warm
The fantasy that keeps you up at night
A photo popping in
A portrait on the wall
Warmth soaks through up in and down
You get caught in the mundane hours
shame at your own pondering
The what ifs flickering like backroom lights
You were on the cusp of standing up for your feelings
Now pack them all back into a cupboard
somewhere you won't ansy up to check
Out on the street the pavement absorbs the warmth
You pretend it's your heart
You pretend you are beyond
Now it's my turn to laugh
Because it's warm in here
But that's not relevant
You've never had depth
And down here there's so much space
Yet it's so full.
But you are beyond that
Trends feed those routine meals
Passing wants and whims fulfilled
Fomo only when others want this thing
My hands and desires stay over this side
Do not pass the middle line
Do not dare to incurr embarrasment
Silence is full of ambiguity
My lips and tongue ready to speak
Do it in my mind and no voice manifests
I get on with the beautiful pretend
Of a disordered world well in appearance
In essence boring and bland
Enough to vomit across the other side
Onto someone geared to humiliate the authentic
But my feelings stay on this side
So eveyone can live their best version
Of some acceptable imitated social code
A recipe for perfection
Never coming to fruition
I am as an infant
Struggling to distinguish
Blinded and deafened by stimuli
I can barely walk
I am overwhelmed by the nature of need
By want mistaken as need
I am falling on my journey to the breakfast table
Wobbly legs sabotage my trajectory
I once saw myself as genius a mystic even
Though I am three and a half
Slurring my words
Not fit for this world yet
Just a babysitter's job
And when noone is looking I crawl
I cry at the absence of care
I try to make sense of the whole mess
Compound this kinetic storm.
Arm myself, Intact central knowing eye
Roots pierce the marrow further into the ground
Ascending tears through struggle and trouble
Power is raw, crude but aligned, and inevitable.
Syg sig dance
I revived after the crash the gist is that
Touched the smooth scars now healed
Fate is blood-and-omened born above flash floods
Side desires crushed focused pace, flow out deluge!
Do not long, don't falter, form the threads of the sun
Forge a deliberate, relentless fire
Miracles pour, furnace of heart,
Draw fire, ardent sinew of conviction,
Bend reality with friction, absolute fury,
Conjure deadly flows new, unshakable ideals.
Enter into this night I have woven
Feel the strings tighten that's the gist
Syg sig dance dance dance in your mind
Fortitude balancing every direction imminent expansion
Clarity hammers doubt into shards.
Folds of metal in my resolve, destroy obstacles, and walk forward,
The steady calm is steel, this anchor is unbreakable
Why did you hit me with your car
I was thrown five meters away
Onto the curb I revived bleeding
refused my father's help
I ran out and the sun had hit my eyes
I was boosted off the bonnet
A piece of meat flying through the air
A child no one was watching
I was bleeding from head to toe
The car stopped and I was carried onto the sofa
Where I continued to bleed
Soon I'll be in the ambulance
But there at the sliding door she was
that ambiguity on her face
come in or stay out
Try to apologize?
The beauty in your hesitation
The earliest of traumas resurges
Parts of me left on that road
Hit by that car you were driving
The impact was crushing
let me bleed here in peace
It slips down in the water
Saps your energy
makes one think life has no point
It was drunken to sustain
To kill thirst
It makes one thristier than ever
More stupid and sentimental
So lost, the world is a dizzy place
Do these words give any more grip
On this place I'm slipping away from
Who I want to be
What I want to pursue
They are crushing questions
I wish they could go back to being empty
But feeling is a quality
The insensitive are cursed
