one fleck of dust flew up through that sunlight.
a lost desire, a whim we didn't know we had.
A tiny piece of ourselves flying off.
Being thrown upward exposed in the sunlight.
Gone forever on the chaos of the air.
The sunlight glints off it
radiating the beauty of it
As soon as you reach for it...
The air between your hand and the fleck,
pushes it away.
Oh these lovely people that I loved,
pushed away.
Helena looks out of her cot into the slits of sunlight.
Iluminating the updraft of millions of tiny specs of dust.
Like a waterfall falling upward in an empty room.
She was born with a disease, am I not a dispicable human for not saving her?
Lucas is on the floor, he is making noises with his mouth.
Words don't come yet, he was born slow.
He moves the tiny horse a long the tile, no smile, no focus.
He still needs love as she does, what kind of monster am I to not accept them?
God bless these children for I am not noble enough to take them.
And the world has no empathy for them.
I have no soul, I am the same mess of a human being.
In love with acquiring, in love with my routine and fantasies.
Not willing to give anything up.
I am part of the selfishness.
I am the narcissist and the self worshipping illusion obsessed.
I am a silly man with a wounded child in his heart.
She slowly pulled away like a flower you forgot to fertilize
She sunk into bathrooms and well glazed mirrors
Losing herself ever so slowly but eventually forever
Into the creams and recipes the methods and secrets
She went inside the ocean of it all
I couldn't follow her through it
The purple screen waving back at me
giving her last goodbye
the solid screen shut and all I took was memory
Who would i be without her
Just an observer not a liver of experiences
Was she my courage and gift?
Could I not be more unto myself without her
The iron patience of that woman
The grace others seldom notice
her secret smile that takes hours to unglue
At the french villa a wealthy father gave his son a yacht
One he would take to the Mediterranean
I told the son not to sail as he had never done it before
That he should learn first
I walked through the vineyard the random grapevines thick leaves
made me think of hands reaching out toward the constant changing seasons
They reneted out a huge part of their land for outdoor sports
Exclusive people would do their trekking and rock climbing
Up on a pass on the range far above the estate there was a cave
There we were to prepare a barbecue to symbolize the primal
Cousins and restless drunks arrived insisting on how to build kindling
I inched them out with a handy shard and lengthy knife
Then went about conjuring that sweet fire that turns the raw into cooked
I lost myself in the turning of meat in the bragging of colleagues
I lost myself in the madness of overdressed macho obtuseness
Tools and matches, soot and charcoal, we were primitive
we arrived there just as the motorcycle broke
We had gear that was only sentimental
My heart went to a woman called Maira
She had arrived from the escalators and metro trains
Her mother had a project and everyone else had many needs
We took hollow twigs and attempted to build a nest
Temptations came in and out like a walking tv screen
We fixed her mother's leaky gutter and her smile shined
We put everything back on the motorcyle in perfect order
She went to the mall land to discover her past
I was sent careening into some old french villa
Where the winter wasn't as cold
The weeds have grown a foot out of the pavement.
They wave me and wave me out.
They green and they seedy flower stout.
Their roots deep inside pavement cracks.
The road running poser never notices,
Or even looks back.
He doesn't thank God for this little park.
He just keeps running as if we cared.
The brilliant long blades of grass.
reach upward so gracefully.
But just so that my hands can pull.
That I can uproot them and throw them beyond.
So that the curb can be clear.
All the way down clean and ordered.
Oh my smile oh my relief.
Just getting it all smooth.
I took the cellphone from off of the driveway,
I am a seven year old lost boy.
I cradled it carefully in my hands,
My new obsession, my new toy.
I hid for hours as mother cooked,
As brother studied his vengeance books.
I gleefully played with the screen,
checking apps feeling like a teen.
I hid it from every oncoming eye,
This would be purely mine.
A strange call came from up the street,
A child was going door to door.
Dread hit my heart and carried me.
It wasn't my phone I couldn't ignore.
I would have to give the thing over
