Redirecting me

 She stopped me three meters from the train.
Saved my life as almost I ran straight.
By God I am alive and will go on living.
My story continues i go on giving.

Those hundreds of thousands of tonnes.
Would have ran through me, i'd be done.
Every meter shouting abrasive truths 
Where's your will to continue?

I screamed back at the grinding railway tracks
It's here, i am grateful, I want to show eternal thanks
It shouted loudly- don't you want to have your life?
Don't you want to live despite your petty gripes?

I said yes i do, yes I will, the longer I live the more I will appreciate!
And the woman on the crossing warned me of the oncoming train.
She saved my life, I'm still here, the rescue not invain.
Demons still on the periphery, God in the middle.

Wanting is a weakness

 Wanting is weakness
Desire keeps you in chains

Destruction and creation transform you

Wanting is feeble
Desire is loss

Destruction and creation rebirth you

Hunger is the state
creativity is the state

Dance inside this reality and feel alive

The blade you taunt me with

 Walk in with that blade expecting me to be tame
Sharp edge taunting me -repeating my name
I was the man or atleast told to pretend to be him
Inside I was afraid like a child in a cage
All I felt was my father's rage

My mother's avoidance
I guess you are here to end my life
With that narrow sharp sinister knife
I'll bleed out, but my eyes will follow you, my new host
You will carry around more than just my ghost

Wherever I wander You will feel unease
I'll reclaim these minutes of pain
Like a life long disease
So spare me not
I love your certainty

I live so that I may not rob you of the desire to kill me
Which has become your secret shameful vice
That envious little rage fest burns slow and nice

The red head of my infancy

 Kimberly with that red hair and palest skin.
My front teeth numb.
I'll just search for the shade.
It's even in my finger tips.

Now there we are, in that hush.
Under soft foliage of red flowering vine.
We were carefully placed by our parents to look like soft toys.
To impress the guests no doubt.

We did our best to communicate back then.
I didn't sense the same hostility in her.
I was still learning to speak.
So when we interacted and by mistake understood.

When our utterances aligned.
We giggled and cooed in surprise.
Somehow connection happened.
And it felt like a miracle.

She was uprooted and I never saw those curious eyes again.
That strange curly orange hair.
Parents and their playdates.
Maybe someone lost their job.

The parents' friendship lost it's strategic edge perhaps.
Now every red headed woman feels like a sister.
glowing out like that late morning...

Thoughts find ways through the body

 The unconscious mind curls around 
with a thousand distracting thoughts that carry the day nowhere
It drives around all through out the brain all day
Through the lines and nerves and bulges of the cerebrum

Finding their way to the eyes and and the sensory systems
Provoking self chatter and traveling down the throat
Rattling around the lungs
Spiraling down to the heart as well

Finding it's way into each compartment
Bubbling through the blood and pressure
Then down to the stomach
Talking with every department of digestion

Mingling with the food still waiting to be broken down

Eat fish at easter

 On the day every house in the neighborhood,
preparing their feast of fish.
The fishy smell and aroma comes through,
it comes through the sewers and out the gutters.

It comes out the windows and down the corridors.
In the drafts of wind it becoems overpowering.
Then the moisture of the rain fuses it.
It explodes into an intensity that overpowers the nose.

Making you dry reach with the smell of fish.
The smell percolates through your nostrils.
To the back of your throat and nose.
To the entry point of the brain.

It fishes your brain up.
Until your eyes feel like fish.
The mucus in your nose is running like fish.
The saliva in your mouth is an ocean of fish.

Until your whole self.
Is one school of fat stinking fish.

The pain will pass

 I see you need help there.
I can help you. I feel you are having a hard time.
Let me see what I can do to help you.
Did you have a rough day, was it difficult?

Let me help you stand you seem to be on the ground.
You look hurt, I have bandages for your wounds.
You look thirsty let me give you the water that will nourish.
The world has worn you out, take my hand.

I'll look after you and give you shelter.
I can see you need it. I understand you.
I also understand how cold the world can be.
If you cry, I may cry with you because pain is loud.

I've spent so long trying and failing to keep it silent.
So don't be ashamed, embrace me just to feel someone else.
I have been in your place hundreds of times.
The sense of lonliness and indifference is overwhelming.

I'll hold your hand, then you can leave and feel better.