Even snuffed out again

 To question is brilliant.
 I would be relieved.
 I don't know if god
 will give me this

 but if God does
I'll be relieved.
 I'll feel whole.
 I'll change.

  it will sculpt me.
Why do i talk about god here?
 Because i cannot control this
, and not having what i want.
not having god give me everything makes me love.

 I don't know why
 but his pain is merciful.
 the pain i sometimes feel allows me to understand
 the world the way I am supposed to see it.
 I would be filled with love.

 I think i would want to cry
 if she gave life
 I would want to celebrate,
 even if again that life was snuffed out. forgive me