We arrived at the gigantic health center, waited in a room big enough to be a whole clinic in itself.
The doctor came in, she asked several questions about diet.Then told us she couldn´t help us. I said it was better if we left as later traffic would pick up. We all frowned, gathered our things handed in our pass cards. Admired the fine details of the decor, the beautiful hospital staff who looked really busy.
We spent 30 minutes walking corridors, finding our way out to the carpark. Then to the car, thankfully to return home.
We raced off again but I had confused the directions. We ended up heading toward a small town in a volcanic area. Where tarpits and geysers brought tourists. It was all dry and dead, traffic was slow and I just realized I had left my I.D card at the hospital. I tried to block out the unsettled feelings began haunting me as we drove to the next town.
I was still driving in the opposite direction of where I should be going. And the feeling never escaped me, the feeling that I was moving falsely going wrong against my own will. Walking away making a mistake. Was it morally wrong to make a mistake, every idiot and his dog believed it was, atleast where I grew up.
I looked at the high hills and tried to discern where I was. It was a flat terrained town with few houses. Grass cut short and the odd medium sized stately tree. We came to a homemade foods and cheese shop. The shop owners came across out of another property, they invited us for tea at their house. Our dogs barked and fought with their dogs, but the reception was friendly. The owners told us we could stay there as long as we liked. I shook my head and thought we have already taken so much time.
We should get back to the megalopolis where our busy lives would continue. Where our lives had importance. That's where my work is, that is where my purpose is, that is who I am. Or is it? Is that really who I am? Is that all I truly am?
Is my identity just connected to my job and city? So back into the car and down into a junction of streets. Suddenly inside a huge satelite city, I must be getting closer now, I knew because west was home. Soon I'll recognise something.
But there was nothing familiar until... The massive hospital where they didn't help us, came into view
It looked so sophisticated and yet it could not solve our simple problem. Appearances are more important that practical solutions. All humans think so, they just lie when pushed, we are all apathetic tools. I thought about going back to the hospital to get my Identity card. The thought brought bile to my throat, I'd rather issue a new one than stomach all of that pomposity.
Over the polluted stream we saw before, then into more junctions.
No GPS, no road map or app, the hot nausea of being lost initially crept over me like icey fingers. The contrasts of the body in panic never cease to amaze. The people with me felt dragged along.
I fixed my eyes on the hills of the horizon running for hundreds of miles. I must just be able to follow these hills back. Then I'll materialize into the formed life I have waiting for me in the big city.
I'll be able to relieve myself with my old routines, the recognizable landscapes, the same people and problems, the cozy old bubble, the semi ornate architecture of my silly idiosynchracies.
Instead of being out here on these strange roads. pretending like I know where I am going.
Questioning where I am, losing my identity and taking a hit to the ego, while I squander everyone's time and demonstrate my lack of direction. Melting into the state itself of being unmoored and errant.
Meandering and pretending I know where I am going.
