Matheus within the popularity.
His face had hardly aged. His hair and eyes shone. It is with this man I thought I might get answers.
There is nothing as self destructive as a desperate heart I heard myself murmur.
Passing cliques with their strange scents and shared sentiment.
Walking slowly over the polished pavers inside the mall of enlightenment.
I approached him and embraced him. His own disciples ignored me.
They looked upon me as if they had recognized me. I had never seen them in my life.
A certain envy was ready to spring up within me, the sense they knew not just who I was, but my questions for Matheus the popular.
The mall was dazzling with huge deocrated alcoves and recesses.
His disciples continued following along as Matheus tolerated my presence. He knew my feelings about life before I could speak. I was exposed before I opened my mouth. I was vulnerable before I knew I was in a vulnerable position.
We got to the part where he would explain to me how I would traverse myself into God.
We reached the steep incline at the back of the mall open to the skies.
Matheus walked up gracefully and steadily. I could find no traction and slipped.
I felt like that five year old again hauling my brother along.
Being blamed by him and my parents for my shortcomings.
My shoes were worn and so I slipped, my face smacked against the slope as I slid down.
The disciples heaved me up again. I wanted to applaud them. To embrace them.
But I was dead weight for their hands and arms. their faces already showed strain.
There was not a miligram of goodness inside me, despite my attempts.
Attempts, oh how important it is to try.
Teach me to love my failings, so as to make amends for countless examples of them.
So I slid down and simply watched Matheus and his followers ascend into some form of rapture awaiting them above.
Thank God for this short meeting with master Matheus.
Leave me behind, below. In the chambers of gossip and flattery and meaninglessness.
This family has too many children abandon this useless child that I am in the thickest part of the forest.
I will lose my way and perish away from your caring eyes.
What a burden I have become.
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