Certifcates, news to me.

 I'm an incredible autophysioxylogist
I have several phds for my excellence in the elaboration of incredibleness
I have been praised by the queen the pope and the spirits of the saints
The only error I ever made was to forget I was Godlike

I bought an office chair that resembles a king's throne
To remind me how special I really am
I have a rocognition from king Charles for pomp
Signed by him on my birthday

I walk chest puffed in grand strides
My legs permission to trespass on any land
I am an autophysioxylogist I don't go to people
They come desperately to me

people contemplate me in awe for my perfect scores
For the legends of me in institutions
where authority of last word was relinquished to me
The perpetual expert giving out my tidbits

Dismaying some and encouraging others
My words like personal massages or injuries
I strut across your campuses holding book and scarf
Which I place on the seat of my chair to be taller

To make myself seem more serious to the adolescents
Appealing to their need for security in height
I was so busy bragging in the teacher's lounge
I didn't notice another teacher pick up my book

He queried me curiously about the content of the book
I said quickly and vehemently that I hadn't started it
As with the other possible shortcomings
i would never get around to it